the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
