so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
