my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
