hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
