john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Are my feet made of real feet?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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