I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
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So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
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Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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