you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
