how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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