Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
