He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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