It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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