dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I have fence marks all over my body
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
