Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
