"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
