your parents love me but you hate me
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
