im about as happy as oj after his trial
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
my poor anus
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize