I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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