is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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