Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
