after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
