but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
