im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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