Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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