guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
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Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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