Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
