so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
