please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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