porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
