I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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