I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
