The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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