Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize