I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
This is the prime rib incident all over again
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
