3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
