Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
