Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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