I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
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I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
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Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
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