that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
