just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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