I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
