We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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