he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
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I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
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Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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