I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
