so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
