So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
