You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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