Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
