1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
