Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
