bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
