rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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