Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize