so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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