my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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