I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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