ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
