Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
