Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
