piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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