Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
