the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
