just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
